My Super-Sweet (Pretend) 39th Birthday Party
Since I am unable to celebrate my birthday with the hype I prefer, I have decided to plan a Pretend 39th Birthday Party for myself and act like this would have actually been possible were it not for Covid.
Venue: My Backyard. And the weather will be perfect (despite it being February in Kansas).
The decor will be super low key and unassuming.
Menu: Clockwise starting with upper left corner
Pickles of the World
Taco Truck (featuring Taco Burgers from Taco Tico)
Epic Charcuterie Platter
Hostess Chocolate Gem Donunts
Caviar and Champagne Bar
Pronto Pups
Oysters on the Half Shell
Build-Your-Own French Fry Tower
There will also be Rolaids available throughout the night.
My Outfit: This dress
My Entrance Song: “We Run This” by Missy Elliott
The Cake:
“Jaime” doesn’t deserve this cake. I deserve this cake.
The Guest List: In addition to my in-real-life friends, these A-List celebs will also be attending
Top Row (L to R): John Cusack (who will also DJ), Kate Middleton (I thought about inviting Megan Markle too, but I want the party to be more about me and less about their reconciliation), Key & Peele (they will sit at my table and make me laugh and think hard all night)
Middle Row (L to R): The OG cast of 90210 (who will gift me with a replica of Dylan’s Porsche), Oprah (who will be the Master of Ceremonies and will make a toast to me), Jennifer Lawrence (who will invite me to be her new BFF)
Bottom Row (L to R): Mindy Kaling (we will trade writing ideas and I will pitch me starring in her next project), The cast of Gilmore Girls (we will act out scenes from the show during the entertainment portion of the evening, Ted Danson & Mary Steenburgen (Sam Malone will pull double duty as a bartender and Mary will just be a delight all night because she seems delightful)
Entertainment: Will be varied and epic
From Top Left (clockwise) : An Air Supply sing-a-long, Live Concert by R.E.M (and when they play “The One I Love” Michael Stipe will point to me in the front row), a petting zoo with miniature donkeys, The Violent Femmes will open for R.E.M. (and let me lead the countdown during “Kiss Off”)
Tell me about your dream birthday party in the comments below!
