Stillwater, Minnesota: Part 1
I don’t like road trips. When I travel, I like to fly and get where I am going quickly to start the pre-planned agenda I’ve carefully curated for my vacation. I am one of the least spontaneous people you will encounter and I am unapologetically rigid with my schedule. That said, I plan super dope vacations because I leave no stone unturned and research my destination with the focus of a serial killer. You could go to the same place and wing it, but I promise my trip will be better because you won’t miss a thing.
Enter the pandemic. This was the first time we have done any travel since this dumpster fire was lit. We are not comfortable flying yet, and my disdain for road travel keeps us boxed in to about a 6 hour radius. I can do longer, but the combination of Dramamine for my motion sickness and Xanax for anxiety leave me comatose for at least a day. So my research began with the magazine “Midwest Living” and their exceptional travel section. Most places listed are within my travel bubble, so I made a short list of criteria to make this a pandemic-friendly getaway.
Excellent dining options with outdoor seating. I want quality food from local establishments only. No chains allowed! And I want to over tip because the service industry is suffering big time and those people work hard.
Airbnb or VRBO. This is how AJ prefers to lodge because he has spent so much time in hotels with his work travel. I get it, but I also like the daily housekeeping and room service that comes with hotel living. However, Airbnb affords you the space that is needed for safe travel right now so that settled the argument.
Outdoor activities. AJ wishes he lived in our backyard. No matter the temperature or how miserable his allergies are making him, you will find him wandering around in the fresh air. So on vacations he needs plenty of communal time with nature. I like to be outside, but I need the environment to be nice and controlled with well-marked trails and an air-conditioned gift shop at the end of the path.
Cute shops. I love boutique shopping and browsing book stores. I usually pick up a little piece of art or jewelry as a memento of my trip, rather than items from the gift shop at the end of the trail. But the gift shop better still f***ing be there!
Booze. We need a solid brewery and/or winery to make the trip a success. If we are not mostly drunk every night what is the point of being away from home?
I landed on Stillwater, Minnesota, the oldest city in Minnesota. It is consistently voted one of the most scenic small towns in America with trails that follow the St. Croix River. It’s about 20 minutes east of St. Paul and was just as darling as the travel writers said.
We arrived on a Sunday evening and there were hot air balloons floating over the river and above the church steeples poking out of the trees, which were just starting to turn autumn colors. I was practically foaming at the mouth from all the quaintness. Our Airbnb was a loft above the main thoroughfare. We had a view of the newly completed lift bridge and were just a few steps from most of the restaurants I had put on my itinerary. I patted myself on the back for booking such a convenient spot.
Photo Credit: Airbnb. The listing is called “Downtown Mini Liftbridge View” and runs about $167/night before all the taxes and fees, which can really add up on Airbnb and VRBO. That’s one of my biggest grudges renting from these sites. I think I am getting a smokin’ deal only to pay several hundred dollars more in taxes and cleaning fees. So be aware.
Our first dinner was probably the best meal of the whole trip. The outdoor space was trendy without being pretentious - totally my sweet spot. But right away I was annoyed. There appeared to be some sort of impromptu motorcycle parade happening ten feet from us. The requirements to be part of this display were as follows:
A desire to rev your motorcycle engine for the exclusive purpose of drawing attention to yourself.
A micro penis.
Look, I get the allure of motorcycles and how fun they are to ride on a perfect evening. But the noise factor cancels my understanding. We had to constantly repeat ourselves while trying to order and have important conversations about what kind of tattoo I would get if I ever had the courage (settled on either a Luke Perry tribute, rap lyrics, or one of those waving cats at Japanese restaurants).
The entire downtown area is just too cute. The history really comes through with beautifully cared for brick buildings. The city is very clean and well maintained.
Once the Sturgis reunion died down, we could properly enjoy this perfect spot. Our server was darling and AJ told me I couldn’t ask to adopt him, because that is something I do occasionally. Naturally, I was thirsty and ready for a cocktail. I selected the “Goodbye Paloma,” a blend of Grapefruit Radler (beer), tequila and lime. I get into trouble with booze sometimes because I am a guzzler. Doesn’t matter what the beverage is - coffee, wine, water, chicken broth - I’m gonna chug it. It’s a trait I inherited from my dad. But with cocktails I have to make a concerted effort or else I would be constantly arrested for public intoxication. So I sipped and it was splendid.
Goodbye Paloma, $10. Oh, hi friend. Thanks for giving me that super special buzz that makes me think I am invincible and can walk well in wedges.
For our first dish we split the Foragers Crostini, a mixture of meaty mushrooms piled on top of local chèvre and drizzled with an IPA honey. Good lord, that was a lot of words I love so I knew it would be heaven on a slice of bread. And it was. I immediately wished we were not sharing.
Foragers Crostini, $11. We finished this plate in about 20 seconds.
The food was so good that I knew I didn’t want to have to give away any more bites to my husband. AJ has a new allergy to red meat from a tick bite (I swear I am not making this up. Look up Lone Star Tick.) and I usually refrain from ordering it to stand in solidarity with him. But this seemed to be a meal of monumental enjoyment so I bitched out and ordered a dish he couldn’t eat. It was nettles (like a mushroom), a chewy pasta, and a giant bone on top to scrape the marrow from. It was like a dish served to Fred Flintstone at the Bedrock Drive In. My maliciousness in ordering paid off. Fat chance I was giving up a single nettle.
Nettles with Bone Marrow, $25. Total Brontosaurus Burger vibes. I wanted to use the bone as a spoon, but this seemed like a classy place.
The flip side was that he didn’t share his dish with me. I didn’t care for this form of reciprocity. He claimed it was the best walleye he’d ever had and it even came with a lemon foam. I seethed. He knows I love foam because it is fancy. Touché, AJ. Touché.
Grilled Walleye, $32. Wish I could tell you more about it…. He even ate the flower.
On Day Two we began with coffee at MADE Coffee. Neither of us have a complicated coffee order - AJ just has a black coffee and I have a coffee with non-flavored cream. The cream is mostly to cool it down so I can chug it. The uber-cool barista told us that the beans are roasted in a vintage wood-fired roaster, something I’d never heard of. I don’t have a particularly good palette, but after she told us that I zeroed in on the smoky flavor. Very rich without being bitter. We bought a bag to bring home and were also stoked to hear we could order online. We have good coffee in KC, but this was totally next level.
The design aesthetic was spot on. Very minimalist chic. The logo looks like a robot nutcracker.
The caffeine buzz was enough to increase my courage to try a hike a little out of my comfort zone. I left the choice of hike to AJ in an effort to seem more flexible with my travel than I really am. In truth, I don’t give a rat’s ass where we hike because trees all look about the same to me. So this was my attempt at looking super chill.
My panic started before we parked the car. This was not a parking lot, but a small wing next to the road for about two vehicles with a sign verifying that this was, in fact, a sanctioned place to hike. AJ sensed my fear and said we could find a different place if I was uncomfortable.
I took this picture so when my body was found my steps could be retraced for the investigation.
“No, if this is where you want to hike then I need to work on being more compromising,” I said. What I meant was, “We are definitely going to be murdered by backwoods hillbillies and it will be all your fault.”
The hike was actually very lovely. The path was well worn so I knew our bodies would be found before winter, and the incline wasn’t so steep that I couldn’t keep talking so anyone committing a crime nearby would hear our voices and hide. That’s really the sweet spot in wilderness survival.
We made our way down to the river and spotted some Bald Eagles flying overhead. We are both kind of nerds for birds so this was a treat. The entire hike lasted about two hours. I would tell you more about it, but for me it is just walking and trying not to die. There’s not much more to say. But here is a pretty picture from the hike.
No filter. Truly! There was also a stream that made me have to urinate while holding onto a tree because I was at a slope. I guess I made my own special stream. Being able to urinate without pee running down my leg is one of my special skills.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of our trip to Stillwater, Minnesota. It will include a wild ride on electric bikes, a drunken walk to Wisconsin, jewelry buying, and Bigfoot discussion.
Airbnb Rental: Stillwater Downtown Liftbridge MiniMe
Feller Restaurant (part of Lora Hotel)
402 S. Main St., Stillwater MN
MADE Coffee (Part of Lora Hotel)
420 S. Main St., Stillwater MN
St. Croix National Scenic Riverway
