In Praise Of Being 41
I like getting older.
Sure, there have been unpleasant things that have happened with my body. I am no longer able to hold my urine for a really long time, and I have more neck than is needed to support my head. But if a few extra flaps of flesh is the price I pay for truer comfort in my own skin, I will take it. I’m so much happier at 41 than 21.
So in tribute to my fourth decade, I have accumulated a list of some things I think are radical about aging. Please share your wisdom with me, too!
Having your sh*t together.
I went to the DMV to get my license renewed and felt anxious by the number of people who had just shown up without finding out what documents they needed to bring with them. One guy was confused why he couldn’t get a license in Kansas if his was “only” suspended in Georgia. Google that stuff before you move across the country, man!
Your kids are more pleasant to be around.
Some days this is NOT TRUE. But talking to your child about real stuff and seeing how they navigate the world is actually rewarding. You get a sense of the type of person they are becoming and your relationship evolves. Some days I feel sad that I don’t have a toddler anymore, but then I remember the time SJ shoved a piece of styrofoam up his nose (on my birthday) and we spent the afternoon at the pediatrician with four medical professionals restraining him and suctioning his sinuses while he screamed and I sobbed in the hallway. Then I feel less nostalgic.
Friendships become important again.
I have more time to nurture my friend group. It’s easier to have a girlfriend getaway when we know our kids are sleeping most of the weekend anyways. And we are all too tired to try and compete with each other or pose as perfect. We save our energy for more important things. Like drinking on my deck.
Careers define you less.
I hate meeting people and the first thing they ask you is, “what do you do?” Translation: what is your job? I like my job and I am proud of where I work, but that is such a microscopic part of who I am. Tell me what you are binge watching, or the last book you read. I want to hear about where you are traveling this summer and a good restaurant by your house. I only want to hear about your job if you have hilarious stories. Like someone vomited going down the escalator and it kept recirculating, or low-stakes/petty-office drama. Don’t recite your resume or tell me how much money you make. One, because I won’t believe you, and two, BORING!
Fewer feelings of obligation.
I spend less time doing things I don’t want to do. I will decline an invitation if I am feeling burnt out or overwhelmed without making up a lame excuse. I will simply say, “I cannot do this right now,” and that will have to suffice. I don’t volunteer to be perceived as a “busy mom,” I do it because I like helping. And I don’t waste my energy on people and relationships that no longer hold value or make me uncomfortable. I’m less popular because of this, but last time I checked there was no winning prom queen at 41.
More self awareness. Less self doubt.
Not that I don’t question myself. I just see myself more clearly than I did in my younger years and am not as quick to believe every negative thought. And I also know how people treat me (or anyone for that matter) is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Unless I am being a bitch. Then it might be me. That’s where self awareness comes in.
I’ve seen some stuff.
Going somewhere I have never been makes me feel the most alive. It’s not about the cache of “being on vacation.” It’s crossing paths with people you never would have met organically. For instance, I’m friends on Instagram with a Lyft driver I had in South Carolina and have exchanged Christmas cards with the owners of an AirBnB in La Jolla. So go out and see stuff! I know plenty of people who don’t care for traveling and I understand - it can be expensive and overwhelming. But sometimes you just need to drive 2 hours in a new direction to see they sky from a different angle and that can be enough.
There are still so many good days to come.
I loathe toxic positivity, but there is a quote that says, “Isn’t it wonderful to know that some of the best days of your life haven’t happened?” Yes, inevitably there will be hard times in the upcoming decades. But there will also be days full of so much happiness my heart will want to explode. And I can’t wait for them.
